Slammin'

One day I would like to preform at a poetry slam...if I could ever find the guts. I think this would be the poem I'd read:

After the good ones are gone
The bad have moved on
And I am left with no one but me
My thoughts, they take me back
to a night with you
smothering and choking
and now
Your name brings hate
Disgust
Fuck you
And everything you represent

Really I don’t know why
I am so angry.
You are nothing
And my thoughts linger
To him
Panic and fear and
A novel of what-ifs
And oh no’s
But this isn’t the way it is
No, these aren’t the thoughts I have
And these random acts of hopelessness
I want no more
And still, I am left
With no one but me

The long and winding roads
Have made me insane
The same thing over and over again
And the results never change
But I am not ready for this
I was never ready for this
Who could ever be ready for this
Lost in neverland
I don’t want to grow up
I don’t want to be in charge
And that’s probably why I stayed
With him for too long
It didn’t even matter what I said!
Never a decision placed on me
The weight of having an opinion
And it’s so heavy
Too heavy right now
I am not prepared to have an opinion
Like this.

Never was it fair, for anyone
But especially not him
And now I am scarred with your
Bite
Everyday Love looks at it
Sees it
Really sees a part of me
Cut open and exposed
And my skeletons they dance
Around
Lately I’ve been thinking
You should probably go back to her
Back to her before she hurt you

I just don’t think I have the grace
The special type it takes
Clearly she must know
She’s made a mistake

And I can feel the heaviness of the air
When your thoughts return to her
A mirror that just wont cast
A perfect reflection
Dressed in the wrong skin
The wrong sin
Just happened to walk in
At in opportune time and place
But I can’t be enough
And I want to be enough
I can’t play the role made for
The character you had in mind
Because let’s be honest
I am not her.